Sasuke's True Orientation
by ShadowOfAPrincess
Summary: Naruto is on a quest to find out Sasuke's orientation.
1. Chapter 1: Naruto Teases Sasuke

_This is my sixth fanfiction. I know a few of you have, um…favorited me, and are waiting for the next chapter(s) of 'Sasuke Needs Help' and 'An Awful Predicament'._

_But I am still working on them! Please, be patient! Do not lose your faith in me!_

_Thank you all very kindly._

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There are just some things in this world you are not allowed to do.

One of those things is…taunting an Uchiha.

Especially a _pissed off_ Uchiha.

It's all written down in the **Book of Uchiha Knowledge**.

Heck, they've even gone so far as to publish a **What Not to Say to an Uchiha: for Dummies**.

**Because if you mess with them, they will punch you in the face.**

So it's clear--Uchihas are, under any circumstances, NOT to be bothered with.

No matter how tough you are.

Or whether you've finally perfected the Rasengan.

Not even if you're their mother.

**Because if you mess with them, they will punch you in the face.**

Any dumb butt should be able to understand that, right?

…right?

WRONG.

Naruto, the village idiot, was clearly undereducated in the Ways of the Uchiha.

And he had absolutely no **Uchiha Evasion Skills.**

So, when Sasuke "The Uchiha" Uchiha threw a kunai at his…um, _privates_, almost castrating him on the spot, not only could Naruto _not_ evade the attack--

He had no clue what he could have _possibly_ done wrong.

"What was that for?!" Naruto shouted, tending to his wounded…um…_member_.

Sasuke curled his lip and condescendingly mumbled, "Hn."

He topped it off with his famous **Uchiha Glare™**.

Naruto will think twice before ever asking Sasuke "ARE YOU GAY, OR SOMETHIN'?!" again.

Or maybe not.

Because he asked him the same question the next day.

He and Sasuke had been training together since seven o'clock that morning. At ten o'clock, they stopped to take a break.

Naruto glanced over at Sasuke, who had taken off his shirt and began to pour water over his head.

"Hey, I could've done that for you," Naruto said, grinning.

He was referring to the pouring-water-on-Sasuke's-head thing.

Because he _clearly_ didn't have any _feelings_ for him.

"Hn," Sasuke grumbled.

Naruto rolled his eyes. He was _so _getting tired of Sasuke's short replies. Did he have, like, a limited supply of words or something?

Naruto opened a Twinkie and inhaled deeply. It smelled _good_. He raised the Twinkie to his mouth, preparing to bite.

But then he looked over at Sasuke and stopped.

Sasuke was drinking what was left of his bottled water, his pinkie delicately raised.

…well, you know what they say: "When in doubt, pinkie out!"

Quoted directly from _The Quirks and Clichés of Patrick Star: Spongebob Squarepants Ep. 2, Tea at the Treedome._

_The Revised edition._

Naruto bust out laughing. In between gasps, he took a small bite of Twinkie.

Sasuke was glaring at Naruto menacingly. He just _knew_ Naruto was laughing at him.

"What's so funny." It was more of a statement that a question.

"Why are you holding your pinkie like that?!" Naruto giggled. "Are you, like, _gay_ or something?!"

Naruto was ill prepared for what happened next.

After he'd arrived at the hospital minutes later, Kakashi at his side yelling "Stay with me, Naruto! Stay with me!" and the surgeons doing everything in their power to successfully remove the Evian bottle that Sasuke had expertly shoved up his…_rear end_, Nurse Tsunade (who was also the Hokage) asked him "What happened?"

Naruto didn't want to talk about it.

But he _did_ think twice before asking Sasuke that question again.

Instead…he just _watched_ him.

Sasuke was at Ichiraku's, eating a bowl of ramen. Naruto hadn't touched his ramen, which was a surprise. He just stared at Sasuke through narrowed eyes.

His eating habits were unusual.

"Fruitcake," Naruto mumbled.

Sasuke heard his remark. "What?" He growled.

Naruto started sweating. "Um, I-I didn't say anything," He stammered. He pushed his bowl away and laughed nervously. "W-Well, I guess I should be going. Have a nice day, Sasuke! God bless your heart and all your parts!"

And then he took off running.

Naruto ran thorough the village, pushing people out of the way, knocking over fruit stands, and accidentally foiling an attempted robbery.

He finally stopped when he made it to a clearing in the middle of the woods.

He looked around the tree, trying to catch his breath. Sasuke was nowhere to be found.

He breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to walk away and--

"AAAAAAAHHH!"

Sasuke was standing next to him, his Sharingan activated.

Naruto almost peed on himself.

"I'msorryI'msorrypleasedon'thurtme!"

Sasuke grabbed the front of Naruto's jacket and pulled him close…

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_Haha. Cliffhanger._

_Chapter Two is on it's way…right after chapter four of 'Sasuke Needs Help'._

_Thank you for reading._


	2. Chapter 2: Naruto Kisses Sasuke

_Chaptah Two is finally here!_

_THROW UP YA HANDS AND PRAAAAAISE!!_

_Enjoy._

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It was like slow motion.

Sasuke's fist was nearing Naruto's nose with extreme proximity, and Naruto saw his life flash before his eyes.

One punch from Sasuke could kill anybody.

How on earth was he gonna get out of this one?

Sasuke's fist was four inches from his face.

Naruto's life flashed before his eyes.

He saw himself getting married to Sakura.

_The wedding was beautiful._

There was only one thing he could do. He grabbed Sasuke's shirt and pulled him close.

There was no questioning what happened next.

Sasuke's fist froze in midair as he found his lips connecting with Naruto's.

Was it from shock or…something else?

He couldn't tell.

Shikamaru, who had just happened to be passing by, glanced over in their general direction for absolutely no reason at all. Then, doing a double-take, his eyes confirmed what he just thought he saw.

Yep, that's what he was seeing alright.

He walked away quickly, pretending he hadn't seen a thing.

Sasuke tried to pull away from Naruto. He seriously needed to breathe.

But Naruto, having a one-track mind and a _very_ short attention span, had started thinking about (disturbing image), and his infatuation of (disturbing image) was now jabbing Sasuke's thigh.

…_Lord._

He bit Naruto's lip.

Feeling the sudden jolt of pain, Naruto released the Uchiha and stumbled backwards, tripping over a tree root. He fell to the ground, landing with a painful "umph!"

He blinked slowly, and then looked around, a drunken smile on his face. "Whahappened?" He slurred.

"I should ask _you _that question," Sasuke growled. His ears were red.

Realization slowly made its way to Naruto's brain. He looked down at the…um…_minor_ _discomfort _between his legs and blushed furiously.

"Sorry," he grumbled. "I don't know what came over me."

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_Chapter three…is in progress!_


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